What DO I want to do?

6 Dec

identity crisis  –noun

1. a period or episode of psychological distress, often occurring in adolescence but sometimes in adulthood, when a person seeks a clearer sense of self and an acceptable role in society.

2. confusion as to goals and priorities: The company is undergoing an identity crisis.

   I am the company and it is in adulthood.  
   Now the phrase “psychological distress” sounds so intimidating to me.  My immediate response is “Oh Melanie, you are so dramatic!”    So depending on the level of intensity you receive the term “identity crisis” you  may think the same thing.
   I really am not the most dramatic person I know.   I just went through a period of searching for my purpose.  I wanted to know what I was good at because earlier this year, I didn’t think I had any kind of talent.  See, I am in direct sales.  The part about direct sales that makes it so appealing is: “here is our plan.  you follow it.  you will have success.”  So I followed the plan.  I had some success.  I wasn’t happy with the results in my business.  So I attended several workshops, etc. to help me reach my goals.  None worked.  Not because of the educator, not because of the plan.  They didn’t work because I didn’t know what the heck I wanted to do. (the workshops did reveal important concepts that I may share in later posts)
   One day I was committed to being the top performer and the next day I wasn’t.  Deep down, I didn’t want to be in direct sales.  I just wanted all the community and motivation seminars.  However, I had created my whole identity in reaching my goals in this company so “how could I just walk away?!”
   I’m no longer pursuing leadership in direct sales.  I will admit, every now and then, it does cross my mind.  Part of me is still over there.  I choose everyday that I am whole and complete the way that I am; yes, the way God created me.  So part of knowing that  is acknowledging that part of me is still over there.  And then, I keep looking in my current direction.  See, I have found that my talents are within ME, not a plan.  A lot of my talents were developed in my direct sales career.  (There is good news!)  So today, my crisis is averted. 

One Response to “What DO I want to do?”

  1. o4tuna December 17, 2010 at 9:29 am #

    The question is . . . who do you want to be?

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