Tag Archives: choice

Get Real: Hey Jealousy!

11 Jun

“Get Real” posts will have give you insight on topics that are real but not always pretty.

Jealousy

1. Resentment against a rival, person enjoying success or advantage or against another’s success or advantage itself.

Envy

1. A longing to possess something awarded to or achieved by another

I have struggled with both of these.  The main difference is jealousy denotes a resentment that another has gained something. This has been a recent struggle that has reared it’s ugly head!

In my experiences, either because we are in the South (raised with Southern hospitality) or because we are Mexican-American (don’t talk about our feelings), we mostly have not been taught to deal with or even acknowledge these feelings. IF we do talk about them, we usually make it gossip or chisme. We criticize la otra or others. Because if we can make him/her look bad, then we are justified in our feelings without having to admit we are jealous.

GREEN EYED MONSTER? photo from sxc.hu

Where I have noticed the green-eyed monster come out is in the area of career and success. Here are two examples of how I have recognized that I am jealous at times and envious at other times. And it’s not always with rivals but sometimes even friends. It ain’t pretty.

I am envious of someone else’s rockin’ project. I put a bid in to work on that project. It  just seems to be the coolest organization; they are so great at what they do; AND it is a well-paid gig.

I am envious. I long to possess such an awesome project.

I am jealous of a friend’s successful career. She is respected and has many recognized accomplishments. However, she’s made light of how much effort she actually gives, I don’t think that she really deserves her level of success.

(I told you it’s not pretty.)

I am jealous. I don’t want her life.

I just resent that she has had so much success with such little effort.

Looking for guidance, I began reading scriptures that teach us that being jealous is essentially bad for us and to not be jealous. (ok, that sounds right.) I also began reading devotionals on and offline. In one of the devotionals, these words jumped off the page:

“Jealousy can be a feeling of not believing you are enough.”

OUCH! That is the stabbing pain from the reality of the statement. Whether you believe in Jesus, the Universe or any higher power, it makes sense. If we (I) knew and actually believed – 100% of the time – that we are (I am) exactly where we (I) should be at the exact time and place, others’ success wouldn’t turn us (me) in to the green-eyed monster.

Here’s my plan to overcome this:

1. Prayer and meditation. I know how to do this: My post on thoughts and meditation.

2. Be willing to do the work!  Someone brilliant once told me: Jealousy can be a good thing if it makes you work harder to reach your goals.

3. Stop worrying about me and start to focus on helping others. Helping others with no expectations in return is like a golden ticket to enjoying life.

Do you know a Jealous Jane?

Can you recognize areas in your life where you might be seeing the green-eyed monster?

Can you get real about it?

post 11 of 35 … 

Learn to select your thoughts like your clothes

7 Jun

You have to learn to select your thoughts the same way that you select your clothes every day. Now that’s a power you can cultivate. -Richard from Texas, Eat. Pray. Love.

From YouTube – movieclips.com

Whether you love or hate Eat. Pray. Love., this statement rings true. For me, this is a daily struggle challenge. My goals for my career & education, my blog, my health, my giving back to the community and my family are big and lofty goals.

The only thing between me and reaching those goals are the thoughts that I choose everyday. Admittedly, it can be down to the thoughts that I choose each minute. There are moments that I think, “Well, I’m just too tired.” or “I can do it later.” or “It’s not fair!” or “Does it really matter if I workout or complete this blog post?” … Do you ever have thoughts like these?

Meditation is important to be able to get your mind to a place where you can choose your thoughts. There are several styles of meditation: in Eat. Pray. Love. Liz (Julia Roberts) attempts meditation a meditation room in India and then in Bali, her medicine man, Ketut teaches her a simple meditation – to sit and smile. I choose a Christian mediation. I call myself a stumbling follower of Christ because … well, though I desire to love others and work like Christ, I am far from it and I stumble. A lot. So, meditating on His Word can help me when choosing my thoughts.

Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. -Phil 4:8

Here are some thoughts I use to replace the negative thoughts:  “Today matters!” and “I do not wait until tomorrow to do what I can do today.” and “Working out is important and fun.” and “My future is my responsibility.” and “I rise every day and put my hope in God’s truths.”

Thanks to my friend Libby I. Juliá-Vázquez and More than Latina for sharing this photo and her response:

Make everyday significant!

It made me think:  if I choose the positive thoughts,each day will be significant and my fabulous outfits won’t go to waste!  🙂

post 7 of 35 …

Hello, my name is ?

13 Apr

weddingbycolor.com

Recently, a friend of mine posted on her Facebook page that she finally changed her name on her social security card after 11 years of marriage.  She questioned why she felt like she lost part of her identity.  I giggled to myself as I read her post!  Well, obviously, I get it!

What is it about a woman changing her name after marriage?  Every woman I have spoken to about this has a different take.  Some are eagar to change their name!  It’s practically done before the wedding.  Some do it out of complete obligation.  Yet, they don’t mind one bit.  Some procrastinate.  Some hyphenate.  (that’s my group!)  And some flat out refuse!

Recently, a woman saw my name on a name tag I was wearing and said “oh, you must have a great relationship with your dad”. It made me wonder how many people believed that would be a reason to keep your maiden name.  I love my dad but that had nothing to do with why I hyphenated my last name.

It didn’t take me 11 years to change my social security card.  It was about one year.  I wanted to be sure that my first-born and I would have the same name on his birth certificate so after going in to “false” labor, I changed my name.

I do remember sitting in the lobby of the social security office and debating on what exactly I would change my name to … up until the last minute!  Did I want to drop my last name and completely take on his? Or did I want to hyphenate?  I couldn’t decide!  To make it worse, the woman at the desk suggested I drop my middle name and replace it with my maiden name and add his name as my last name.  What?!  Are you crazy?!  Excuse me if I never use my middle name but I couldn’t just drop it!  I am Melanie Ann.

Melanie Ann __? Was the question.

So I decided.  I knew Mendez-Gonzales was going to be a mouthful.  Deep in my heart, I knew I was and am Melanie Ann Mendez-Gonzales.  Now that’s a Mexican last name!

Really, it’s me married to him.  It represents my marriage, my family, my childhood, my present and my future.

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